Answer 1

A man walks into a bar...

Man: Give me a case of beer! Any kind except Schlitz.
Bartender: What's wrong with Schlitz?
Man: I hate that shit. Last night I drank a case of Schlitz and blew chunks!
Bartender: If you drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks.
Man: You don't understand, man. Chunks is my dog's name!

Answer 2

Answer 3

Hangovers are God's way of saying you kicked ass last night.

Answer 4

Judge: You've been brought here for drinking.
Drunk: Great. Let's get started!

Answer 5

"I don't like to drink. It's just something to do while I'm getting drunk."

Answer 6

"My wife hates the sight of me when I'm drunk... I hate the sight of her when I'm sober!"

Answer 7

Guy: Baby, drinking makes you look beautiful.
Gal: But I don't drink.
Guy: I do.

Answer 8

How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
By being too drunk to find your keys.

Answer 9

What do you get when you mix Holy Water with whiskey?
The Holy Spirit

Answer 10

"You look like I need another drink..."

Answer 11

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Answer 12

Doug: My wife drives me to drink.
Larry: You're lucky. I have to walk!

Answer 13

Brian: I gave up alcohol last year.
Nick: What was it like?
Brian: It was the longest 20 minutes of my life!

Answer 14

Alcohol is not the answer. It just makes you forget the question.

Answer 15

Of course I'm going to drive... I'm too drunk to walk!

Answer 16

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am!"

Answer 17

What did one nail say to the other?
We're getting so hammered tonight!

Answer 18

Answer 19

Answer 20

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough...

Answer 21

T-Shirt: Drinks well with others.

Answer 22

A wife tells her husband "you sure made a fool of yourself last night! I just hope no one realized you were sober."

Answer 23

A weekend wasted isn't a wasted weekend.

Answer 24

If you can't drink and drive why do bars have parking lots?

Answer 25

"I've got a drinking problem... I've got 2 hands and only 1 mouth."

Answer 26

"I drink on two occassions... When it's my birthday and when it's not."

Answer 27

Answer 28

Answer 29

Alcohol is not the answer. Alcohol is the question. Yes is the answer.

Answer 30

How is a singles bar different from a circus? At the circus the...

Answer 31

Why is it called "Alcoholics Anonymous" when the first thing you...

Answer 32

You know you're drinking too much when you fall off the floor.

Answer 33