Answer 1

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Answer 2

"Criminal Lawyer" is redundant.

Answer 3

What do lawyers do after they die?
They lie still.

Answer 4

How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
"Say 'fees!'"

Answer 5

What did the disgruntled lawyer tell the judge?
"Get off my case!"

Answer 6

Client: So you're a high-priced lawyer... If I give you $500 will you answer 2 questions for me?
Lawyer: Definitely! What's the 2nd question?

Answer 7

What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge?
Pollution

What do you call all lawyers thrown off a bridge?
Solution

Answer 8

What is the difference between a dry cleaner and a lawyer?
The cleaner pays if he loses your suit. A lawyer can lose your suit and still take you to the cleaners!

Answer 9

It was so cold out the other day I saw a lawyer walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets.

Answer 10

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to get paid?

Answer 11

What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

Answer 12

What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand!

Answer 13

What is the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.

Answer 14

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy

Answer 15

What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits

Answer 16

What do you get a lawyer for his birthday?
Briefs

Answer 17

An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or possibly years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer!

Answer 18

What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick

Answer 19

How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them...

Answer 20

Lawyer: I finally finished this 10,000-word paper.
Secretary: What is it?
Lawyer: It's a brief.

Answer 21

What do you call a nun who becomes an attorney?
Sister in law

Answer 22

You know you need a new lawyer when he warns a hostile witness...

Answer 23

Make crime pay. Be a lawyer.

Answer 24

How does an LA cop catch fish? He catches one and beats it until...

Answer 25

Attorney: Do you believe you are emotionally stable? Witness:...

Answer 26

A jury is a group of 12 people who determine which client has the...