Answer 1

Why do cemetaries have fences around them?
Because people are dying to get in!

Answer 2

Man: They say you shouldn't say anything about the dead unless it's good.
Woman: Stella just died.
Man: Good!

Answer 3

"I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac..."

Answer 4

"I don't care if I die. But don't make me be there when it happens."

Answer 5

Sam: I just moved to town. What's the death rate here?
Terry: About one per person.

Answer 6

"My husband has one foot in the grate... He's chosen to be cremated."

Answer 7

"My father's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help wondering if he would have been better off with more oxygen instead."

Answer 8

Did you hear about the man who drowned in a vat of varnish at work?
It was a terrible end but a beautiful finish!

Answer 9

How can you tell if a corpse is angry?
It flips its lid!

Answer 10

"I want to leave this world the way I came into it: screaming, naked and covered in someone else's blood!"

Answer 11

Todd: I'm sorry to hear about your uncle.
Pete: Yeah, it seems death runs in my family.

Answer 12

If you can survive death you can survive just about anything.

Answer 13

"I want to die young, as late as possible."

Answer 14

What did one tombstone say to the other?  
"Stop taking me for granite!"

Answer 15

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Answer 16

"He who dies with the most toys is still dead."

Answer 17

Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

Answer 18

Answer 19

How do you know when you are getting old? When you start having...

Answer 20

Answer 21

2 old ladies are going down the street in their car. They go...

Answer 22

I don't think he has a gun.

Answer 23