Answer 1

Patient: I'm on a diet that's making me very irritable. Yesterday I bit someone's ear off!
Doctor: Ouch, that's a lot of calories!

Answer 2

Patient: I'm worried about my figure.
Doctor: You'll have to diet.
Patient: OK. Which color?

Answer 3

My sister went on a crash diet.
Is that why she looks like a wreck?

Answer 4

Why can't a lesbian diet and wear make-up at the same time?
Because you can't eat Jenny Craig when you have Mary Kay on your face!

Answer 5

"I'm on a 30-day diet. I've lost 15 days so far!"

Answer 6

"She's a light eater. When it gets light she starts eating!"

Answer 7

What do you call a person who abandoned their strict diet?
A desserter

Answer 8

My doctor put me on a stable diet: oats and hay 3 times a day.

Answer 9

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter!

Answer 10

Why did it take the monster 10 months to finish a book? Because he...

Answer 11

Answer 12

My wife's skin looks like a million dollars... wrinkled and green!

Answer 13

A man stands on the bathroom scale sucking in his stomach. Wife:...

Answer 14

Why is ET short? Because he has little legs!