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Dirty Animal jokes

  
Requested in Adult & Dirty by JustMe
edited by MC Jester

16 Jokes

6 like 0 dislike
What's the difference between a bullfrog and a horny toad?
The bullfrog says "ribbit, ribbit." The horny toad says "rub it, rub it."
6 like 0 dislike
A penguin driving cross-country breaks down in hot Arizona. He limps his car into town and finds a garage/mechanic. The mechanic says its gonna be an hour to diagnose the problem and suggests an ice cream store down the road where the penguin can stay cool.

The penguin goes to the ice cream store and orders a cup of vanilla ice cream. Penguin doesn't have opposable thumbs and can't hold a spoon, so he uses his flippers to bat as much ice cream into his mouth as he can, but he makes an awful mess on his face.  

After an hour, the penguin goes back to the auto mechanic for the diagnosis. The mechanic says, "it looks like you blew a seal". The penguin says, "NO,NO, that's just ice cream.
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edited by a contributor
3 like 0 dislike
What's a shitzu?
A zoo with no animals.
2 like 0 dislike
What's the difference between a fish and a mountain goat?
One mucks about in fountains, one fucks about in mountains...
Shared by JustMe
edited by JustMe
2 like 0 dislike
My girlfriend called me a filthy pervert the other day... I said "fuck me, a talking sheep."
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2 like 0 dislike
An elephant says to a camel "why are your tits on your back?" The camel says "I think that's a strange question coming from somebody whose dick is on his face!"
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edited by MC Jester
2 like 0 dislike
Why do you wrap duct tape around a hamster?
So it doesn't explode when you fuck it.
2 like 0 dislike
What is worse than having a sick cat on your piano?
Having an infected pussy on your organ!
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2 like 0 dislike
As I sat on the edge of my bed pulling off my boxers... I thought to myself "you've gotta leave those dogs alone."
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1 like 0 dislike
Where are an elephant's sex organs?
In his feet. If he steps on you you're fucked!
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0 like 0 dislike
What's the difference between a cow and a bull?
Milk both of them and the one that smiles is the bull.
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What is the best way to eat a frog?
Put its legs behind its ears.
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How many animals can you fit on a toilet?
A pussy and 1,000 hares!

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