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Parenting jokes

  
Requested in Relationships & Family by a contributor
edited by MC Jester

13 Jokes

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Pride is what you feel when your kids net $139 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize you car is missing.
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Your parents might be ashamed of you if they go to your school's parent-teacher conference under assumed names.
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How do you know your child is growing up?
It stops asking where it came from and refuses to tell you where it's going.
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What is an adolescent?
Someone who acts like a baby when they aren't treated like an adult.
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3 ways to get things done:

- Do it yourself
- Hire someone to do it
- Tell your kids not to do it
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"My kids have a problem with bias. Buy us this, buy us that..."
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What is the average income of a teenager?
About 2 a.m.
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"You can't scare me, I have children."
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Judge: This court has deemed you to be an unfit mother.
Defendant: That is ridiculous. I have the body of a woman half my age!
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You spend the first 2 years teaching your kids to walk and talk and the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up!
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