Answer 1

Answer 2

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Answer 3

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Answer 4

Where there's a will I want to be on it.

Answer 5

I'm just working here until a good fast food job opens up.

Answer 6

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Answer 7

I'm not a complete idiot -- some parts are missing.

Answer 8

Beer. It's the reason I get up every afternoon!

Answer 9

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

Answer 10

Don't drink and drive... You might hit a bump and spill it.

Answer 11

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.

Answer 12

I drive this way to piss you off.

Answer 13

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Answer 14

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!

Answer 15

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Answer 16

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Answer 17

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Answer 18

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Answer 19

Always remember you're unique... just like everybody else.

Answer 20

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Answer 21

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Answer 22

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

Answer 23

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Answer 24

Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Answer 25

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

Answer 26

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Answer 27

Reality is for people who can't handle the drugs!

Answer 28

My kid beat the crap out of your honor student.

Answer 29

Cover me! I'm changing lanes.

Answer 30

Horn broken... Watch for finger!

Answer 31

If you're not a hemorrhoid get off my ass!

Answer 32

So many pedestrians... So little time!

Answer 33

This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me!

Answer 34

Honk if you love peace and quiet!

Answer 35

Illiterate? Write for help...

Answer 36

Welcome to America. Now learn to speak English!

Answer 37

Pissed off? Hey, it's better than being pissed on.

Answer 38

Answer 39

Answer 40

Answer 41

Answer 42

Did you know Chrysler introduced a new car to commemorate...

Answer 43

How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen? 54. Two in the front,...