Answer 1

Chuck Norris doesn't lick stamps... He looks at them and they wet themselves.

Answer 2

Chuck Norris can't smoke weed because it's impossible for Chuck Norris to take a hit.

Answer 3

My son left his Chuck Norris action figure in my daughter's room. Now all her Barbies are pregnant.

Answer 4

Chuck Norris once sold eBay to eBay on eBay.

Answer 5

God: Let there be light!
Chuck Norris: Say please.

Answer 6

A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.

Answer 7

Chuck Norris' homework ate my dog!

Answer 8

When Chuck Norris fails a job interview he starts Monday.

Answer 9

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

Answer 10

The bible was originally title "Chuck Norris and Friends."

Answer 11

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Answer 12

If Chuck Norris competed in the Olympics they would just cancel the games. Every 4 years they would just mail Chuck all 237 gold medals.

Answer 13

Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.

Answer 14

Santa Claus writes letters to Chuck Norris.

Answer 15

Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.

Answer 16

When Chuck Norris is speeding the speed limit increases.

Answer 17

Chuck Norris can shoplift online.

Answer 18

Chuck Norris once killed a man on February 30th and then told the calendar to forget it ever happened.

Answer 19

When Chuck Norris runs a red light the police officer gives the light a ticket for not being green.

Answer 20

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling aliens "don't make me come up there!"

Answer 21

Chuck Norris put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

Answer 22

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Answer 23

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Answer 24

A cobra once bit Chuck Norris' leg. After 6 days of excruciating pain the cobra died.

Answer 25

President Roosevelt's full quote is rarely heard... "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."

Answer 26

Mimes speak to Chuck Norris.

Answer 27

Chuck Norris ran for office and the office ran away.

Answer 28

Chuck Norris went to a psychic to warn her.

Answer 29

In Texas Chuck Norris IS the death penalty!

Answer 30

In God we trust but God trusts Chuck Norris.

Answer 31

Chuck Norris sank your battleship.

Answer 32

People with amnesia still remember Chuck Norris.

Answer 33

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it.

Answer 34

G.I. Joe has Chuck Norris action figures.

Answer 35

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won...

Answer 36

Why did the chicken cross the road? Mae West: I invited it to come...

Answer 37