Answer 1

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity...

Answer 2

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

Answer 3

In the first year of marriage the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year the woman speaks while the man listens. In the third year they both speak and the neighbors listen!

Answer 4

What does a marriage do?
It puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Answer 5

In some countries the punishment for shoplifting is marriage.

Answer 6

Woman: I was the one who made my husband a millionaire.
Friend: What was he before you married him?
Woman: A multi-millionaire.

Answer 7

Man is incomplete until he's married. Then he's finished!

Answer 8

"My wife thinks I'm too nosy. At least that's what she keeps writing in her diary."

Answer 9

My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, it takes 3 people to pull us apart!

Answer 10

"We're equal partners in our marriage. I'm the silent one..."

Answer 11

Man: Do clever men make good husbands?
Sage: Clever men don't BECOME husbands.

Answer 12

I married Ms. Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always!

Answer 13

Written on the wall in the ladies room... "My husband follows me everywhere." Under it is written "I do not!"

Answer 14

Mary: Doctor, my husband believes in preventative medicine.
Doctor: Oh, really?
Mary: Yes, he tries to prevent me from making him take it!

Answer 15

Daniel: My wife beats me, doctor.
Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
Daniel: Every time we play Scrabble!

Answer 16

Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor, and a matter of survival for a married man!

Answer 17

Marriage is a 3-ring circus... Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Answer 18

"I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me..."

Answer 19

It doesn't matter how many times a married man changes jobs... he always ends up with the same boss.

Answer 20

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Answer 21

What do you know immediately about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Answer 22

Married people don't live longer than single people - it just seems longer.

Answer 23

"I knew their marriage was off to a bad start when he insisted on being married by the Minister of Defense instead of a Justice of the Peace."

Answer 24

"I love being married. It's so great to find that special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life!"

Answer 25

If you didn't have any money I'd still love you... and miss you very much.

Answer 26

"After 20 years of marriage they're still in love... She loves the gardener and he loves the lady next door!"

Answer 27

"Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want but when you see what the other person's got you wish you'd ordered that..."

Answer 28

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Answer 29

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Master's.

Answer 30

Love is one long sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock!

Answer 31

My wife and I have agreed not to go to bed angry with each other. So far we've been up for a month.

Answer 32

My husband and I married for better or worse. He couldn't do better and I couldn't do worse!

Answer 33

"I've been happily married for 10 whole years. 10 out of 30 ain't bad!"

Answer 34

Walt: I had a long talk with my wife about cutting down on her extravagant shopping bills!
Dan: What did you decide?
Walt: There are going to be some big changes! I'm giving up smoking.

Answer 35

A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job!

Answer 36

What are the 3 words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
"Hold my purse!"

Answer 37

What is the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife?
A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.

Answer 38

They are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous...

Answer 39

T-Shirt: Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep!

Answer 40

"My wife has more than kept her girlish figure... She's doubled it!"

Answer 41

Husband: What would you like for your 40th birthday? A diamond...

Answer 42

"I asked my girlfriend's father for her hand in marriage. He said...