Answer 1

Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be 80.
Patient: But, doctor, I'm 80 now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you?

Answer 2

What did the doctor say to the midget?
You'll have to be a little patient!

Answer 3

"Doctor, I only have 50 seconds to live!" the patient cries. The doctor replies "I'll be with you in a minute."

Answer 4

What made the doctor mad?
He had no patients!

Answer 5

"Look at the x-ray. I found this humerus..."

Answer 6

Nurse: Doctor, there's a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

Answer 7

Patient: Doctor, you've got to help me. I just can't stop my hands from shaking!
Doctor: Do you drink a lot?
Patient: Not really. I spill most of it.

Answer 8

Patient: Doctor, you've got to help me out!
Doctor: Of course. Which way did you come in?

Answer 9

Patient: Doctor, can you cure my measles?
Doctor: I won't make any rash promises.

Answer 10

Patient: I feel like a needle.
Doctor: Yes, I can see your point.

Answer 11

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a window.
Doctor: Where's your pane?

Answer 12

Patient: I swallowed a clock a year ago.
Doctor: Why didn't you come see me sooner?
Patient: I didn't want to alarm anyone.

Answer 13

My doctor is so funny he keeps me in stitches!

Answer 14

What do you call two physicians?
Paradox

Answer 15

Doctor: Nurse, how is the little girl who swallowed the 10...

Answer 16

Why do doctors leave the room while you change if they're going to...

Answer 17

What do you call an old dentist? A bit long in the tooth...

Answer 18

Never accept a drink from a urologist or a friendly handshake from...

Answer 19

"I'm a Proctologist. I work with assholes all day!"