Answer 1

"Push harder!" I shouted to my wife while she was in labor. "Fuck off you asshole!" she screamed back at me. I thought that was harsh... It wasn't my fault the car broke down halfway to the hospital.

Answer 2

Pregnant Patient: Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Can't!
Psychiatrist: Calm down. Are you angry about something?
Pregnant Patient: I'm having contractions!

Answer 3

A man panics, saying into the phone "my wife is having a baby and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"

The doctor on the phone asks "is this her first child?" The man shouts back "no, you idiot! This is her *husband*!"

Answer 4

"She has a lot on her plate. She was even too busy to attend the birth of her child."

Answer 5

Did you know somewhere in the world a woman gives birth to a child every minute?
We have to find this woman and stop her!

Answer 6

You must've been born on the highway cuz that's where most accidents happen!

Answer 7

"Learn from your parents' mistakes... use birth control!"

Answer 8

Answer 9

Mary: Do I have to have a baby shower? Joan: Not if you change its...

Answer 10

Abortion... It brings out the kid in you!

Answer 11

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light...