Answer 1

What is the height of conceit?
Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Answer 2

On the other hand... you have different fingers.

Answer 3

How can you get 4 suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.

Answer 4

Mary: You're bleeding. What happened?
Larry: I was injured by a safety pin.

Answer 5

Rick: You have to do it. It goes without saying...
Walt: Then why did you say it?

Answer 6

What do you call a meeting of 2 egotists?
An I for an I

Answer 7

If all women were taken out of circulation what kind of country would it be?
Stag-nation

Answer 8

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Answer 9

What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A hole!

Answer 10

"Did you hear the joke about the roof? Nevermind, it's over your head..."

Answer 11

If you have 3 apples and 4 oranges in a hand and 4 apples and 3 oranges in the other hand what do you have?
Very large hands

Answer 12

What did one knife say to the other?
Look sharp!

Answer 13

What did the candle say when he was down on his luck?
I'm at wick's end!

Answer 14

What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!

Answer 15

Answer 16

What's the first thing a blonde hears in the morning? "See ya!"

Answer 17

Why is ET short? Because he has little legs!

Answer 18

What is the most effective way to remember your wife's...

Answer 19

What do an apple and a lawyer have in common? They both look good...

Answer 20

How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it.